Adult English Jokes

 

 

 

 

Jokes for the (I'm)Mature.

 

(1)

To make it straight, she pulls it..

To make it stand, she rubs it.

To make it stiff, she licks it.

To put it in, she pushes it.

It's hell of a job threading a needle!

 

(2)

A guy donated blood to his girlfriend. When they broke up, he wanted his blood back.

The girl threw a bloody kotex at him and said,  I'll pay you in monthly installments.'

 

(3)

Girl in cinema turns sideways and whispers to her boyfriend.

'The man next to me is masturbating!'

Bf:  'Ignore him.'

Gf: 'I can't.'

Bf: 'Why not?'

Gf: 'He is using my hand!'

 

(4)

The Bio teacher draws a huge PENIS on the board  and asks 'Does anybody know what this is?

Dirty Harry says 'Oh, it's a penis and you know my dad's got 2 of them?'

The teacher says '2 of them?'

Harry says 'ya! The little one he uses to pee, and the big one to brush mum's teeth.'

 

(5)

4 miracles of a woman

 

Getting wet without taking a shower

Bleeding without getting hurt

Giving milk without eating grass

Making boneless meat hard.

 

(6)

What is the smallest hotel in the world?

The answer is 'Vagina Inn'

It accomodates only 1 standing occupant with his 2 baggages left outside.

 

(7)

Unborn twins saw a penis approaching.

1st:  Papa coming, papa coming.

2nd: U fool, it's uncle! Papa never comes with a raincoat!

 

(8)

A hubby said to his wife, 'I will take a photo of your breasts and frame it..'

The wife said to husband, 'I will take a photo of  your penis and enlarge it.'

 

(9)

At 15, a girl is a SURPRISE.

At 25, she is the RIGHT PRICE.

At 35, a GRAND PRIZE.

At 45, a CONSOLATION PRIZE.

At 55, she is a DOOR PRIZE, and

At 65, a GIVEAWAY PRIZE.

 

(10)

What did Snow White complain about after having sex with the 7 dwarfs?

Snow White said, 'I would rather have 7 inches at  1 time.

Not 1 inch 7 times.'

 

(11)

The vagina is the world's best rehabilatation/correction center.

Even the most violent and aggressive penis comes out  humbled, head bowed and reduced in size.

 

(12)

A loving husband had 'I Love You'  tattoed on his dick.

When he got home, he showed it to his wife.

She said, 'There u go again, trying to put words in my mouth.'

 

Laughing  is good for your health...have a nice day.

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